how to become a real person

I don't even know what to do with this article on "How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert" (found it via Lifehacker). Was he trying to be funny? 'Cause this cracked me up.

In order to become an extrovert, I found that I had to overcome several blocks to being more extroverted. Chances are that if you’re in the same boat, you have some of these blocks as well

Heh. So, I'm blocked! That explains everything, I guess.

I hate to miss out on all the fun, so here's my tongue in cheek guide:

"How To Become A Real Pers... I Mean, Introvert."

Are you shallow? Have tons of "friends" but no one who really knows you as more than just a cell phone number? At large parties, do you secretly wish you could just make yourself spend more time by yourself?

Well, now you too can join the thousands who have become less shallow, more like a real person. Become an introvert! It's easy, here are a few quick steps:

Get a(n inner) life. Though it may feel strange at first, spend more than thirty seconds at a time thinking.

Throw out that blackberry! You don't need all those social parasites you call friends in your life. Choose to really be present for a few people. This may be difficult at first, since lots of people will think you're a stalker or something. You can start paring down your list of false friends by suddenly looking at the ceiling while they're trying to tell you something important. Introverts do this all the time. Soon the only people who can stand to talk to you will be those who really think you're swell.

Go Away. Spend a couple of days camping by yourself. You'll love it (if you survive)!

Stop Listening To Extroverts. They always think they know everything, and they're not shy about telling you about it. You should know, you've been one of them your whole life.

If you start practicing right away, and can get through the Extrovert Withdrawal symptoms that inevitably come with becoming real, you'll join the few, the humble, the Introverts.